We can't control the inputs and stimulus that come to us but we sure can control how we respond or react to them. For example, we can't control whether or not it will rain today but we can control how we react if it does. We can't control whether or not the air conditioning will breakdown but we can control how we react if it does. This is the 20/80 rule or in statistics it is called the Pareto Rule. Statistically, the rule states that 80% of the problems that we face are often caused by 20% of the population. Practically, applying this concept to real life it simply means that 20% of life is made up of what happen to us while the remaining 80% of life is decided by how we react.

We really have no control over 20% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. There will be delay in the plane's arrival, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may curse off in traffic. We have no control over this 20%. The other 80% is different. We determine the other 80%. How? This is interesting … by our reaction and response. Lets look at an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Suddenly, your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. At that moment, you have no control over what just happened. What happens next will very much depend on how you react.

You curse and you harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows.

You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.

Because you are late, you drive 80 km an hour in a 60 km an hour limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing RM100 traffic fine, at last you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.

After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues seems to get worse and worse.

You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. All the emotional mess because of how you reacted in the morning.

So, why did you have a bad day? 

a) Did the coffee cause it?

b) Did your daughter cause it?

c) Did the policeman cause it?

d) Did you cause it?

Of course, you know what the answer is. The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those five seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashed over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's okay honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt, your briefcase, you come back in time to look through the window to see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.

You arrive five minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day is you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. But both ended differently. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 20% of what happens. The other 80% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 20/80 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, do not let it affect you. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comments take away the good side of you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired and getting unnecessarily stressed out.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you show your temper? Do you pound on the steering wheel (I have heard instances when the steering wheel actually fell off)? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try to bump them? Let's put things this way, WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the other cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 20/80 principle, and do not worry about it. Your boss called you and said that the Company has to release you. So, you are out of a job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It just doesn't work that way. Use the worrying energy and time into finding another job.

(Source: Unknown author)